Having a baby takes a lot of time and energy in a way I didn’t anticipate. I’m not physically or mentally exhausted except for on the days when mosquitoes have kept me up after a baby feeding session. Rather my schedule is all awry. It’s hard to fill a to-be-specified time with something meaningful when you’re not sure whether you should be talking or singing to, or rocking the baby to sleep. Alternatively you might actually have some free time. I’ve never been very good at being spontaneous, and it seems as if someone who’s good at that might do really well in the first three months of parenthood.
If I were better at being spontaneous, maybe I would have written this sooner.
I have been in the midst of writing the second part of my birth story for the last three weeks (soon to come). I began by drafting the story on my computer, but I quickly realized that I would never finish it that way. Breastfeeding and the desire to not move from the couch once the babe has fallen asleep after breastfeeding have kept me relegated to the couch. So then I thought I could write in my notebook and later transfer my words onto the Word document and finally to the WordPress post box.
No, no, no. For a while, I think I’ll be composing my posts by iPhone. Even that might be hard as the just woken up squirming baby on my lap makes it difficult to know how much longer I have.
Life with a baby, and perhaps with an child of any age, is schedule interrupted. That’s a new and sometimes welcome kind of tired, like the tired you feel after a workout. Sometimes you’re happy you did it, sometimes you wonder what you were thinking.
That turned out not to work either. For the last week I’ve been treading water, uncertain how to proceed.